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COULD A COUNSELLOR SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE? |
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Mirror.co.uk - COULD A COUNSELLOR SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE? Jun 9 2003 By Nick Webster HILLARY Clinton says relationship guidance counselling saved her marriage to the former American president. In her new autobiography, she reveals that the Clintons had a battle to restore domestic harmony after Bill's affair with Monica Lewinsky. Hillary describes herself as "still emotionally shell-shocked and trying to deal with the raw wound I had suffered" when the marriage guidance began. In the book, Living History, she adds: "It forced us to ask and answer hard questions that years of non-stop campaigning had allowed us to postpone. "We were both committed to rebuilding our marriage with the tools of our faith, love and shared past." Clearly the counselling sessions worked as now - after 27 years of marriage - Hillary writes: "After all these years he is still the most interesting, energising and fully alive person I've ever met." The Clintons are in good celebrity company in asking for help to keep their marriage going. Here we take a look at other famous couples who have turned to counselling in an attempt to stay together and see what the outcome was. Relate counsellor Denise Knowles, who comments on each case, warns guidance alone cannot provide a formula for marriage success. "It helps couples explore the avenues they have open to them," she says. BILL AND HILLARY CLINTON Problem: Bill's roving eye. Counsellor says: "Partners need to talk to one another. And there is a difference between talking to your partner and talking about intimacies with your partner. What a lot of couples never do is talk about their needs, expectations and requirements, so they never find out if their partner can meet those. "That's where an awful lot of disappointment and misunderstanding can arise. For example, if someone assumes their partner is not interested in sex and goes to find it elsewhere." Outcome: The Clintons are still together and the story of their battle to save their marriage should shift copies of Hillary's autobiography. HALLE BERRY AND ERIC BENET Problem: Halle, 34, revealed she and her husband were having marriage therapy because their relationship was going through a "staggering crisis". What she meant was during the two-and-a-half year marriage Benet, 33, has cheated on her with 10 women. Counsellor says: "If you feel you're not as good as your partner it can be quite a destructive set of circumstances." Outcome: The Bond girl says she's standing by her husband. ROD STEWART AND RACHEL HUNTER Problem: Rachel, 33, walked out of their Los Angeles home in 1999 after eight years saying she was bored with the relationship and needed time on her own. Observers also blamed the huge age gap. Counsellor says: "Boredom can be due to the couple not paying attention to the needs of each other. An age gap will mean their needs are quite different." Outcome: The couple plan to divorce. Rod, 58, is dating Penny Lancaster, 31. Rachel was seeing Robbie Williams. COURTNEY COX AND DAVID ARQUETTE Problem: Courtney, 38, and David, 31, attended counselling sessions BEFORE they wed. "It is important to iron out the bumps in advance," she said. Counsellor says: "Anything that brings people's attention to the seriousness of marriage is vital." Outcome: It was reported Courtney wanted a divorce after 18 months. The threat calmed down David's partying. MEL B AND JIMMY GULZAR Problem: Throughout their 16-month marriage, ex Spice Girl Mel, 28, and dancer Jimmy, 35, rowed constantly. Counsellor says: "If one of the personalities feels they are the underdog, there is always going to be difficulties." Outcome: A bitter divorce. The couple have a four-year-old daughter Phoenix Chi. COLIN AND EIMEAR MONTGOMERIE Problem: The 39-year-old golfer was kicked out of his house three years ago when his wife accused him of neglecting her and their three children. Counsellor says: "When you have someone who is extremely successful and needs to be focused on their work it is very easy to feel that you come second. That's when resentment can build up." Outcome: The Montgomeries have rebuilt their 13-year marriage - it's now his golf that is suffering. PAMELA ANDERSON AND TOMMY LEE Problem: Violent rows. Counsellor says: "When you have two strong personalities, there can be a serious problem. When couples decide this is not the relationship for them, we help them end it with as little bitterness as possible." Outcome: The pair, who have two children, married in 1995, divorced in 1998, and were reconciled in 1999, despite the fact Tommy, 40, faced charges of spousal abuse. They split again and Pam, 35, is now engaged to Kid Rock. REESE WITHERSPOON AND RYAN PHILLIPPE Problem: Hollywood stars Reese, 27, and Ryan, 28, claim their marriage is solid and their counselling sessions are designed to keep it that way. Ryan said: "Why make people feel as if working on their relationship is negative?" Counsellor says: "This is a really positive attitude. Some people think you get married and that's it - but marriage is about constant effort." Outcome: Their plan seems to be working. Their marriage is going strong and they have a two-year-old daughter called Ava. MICK JAGGER AND JERRY HALL Problem: Mick's womanising. Counsellor says: "Here's a couple who did try very hard to make a go of it, but actually decided in the end it was not for them. "People change and it's important to acknowledge that you don't have to stay in a relationship that is really not happy for you." Outcome: The relationship is truly over. Mick, 59, lived in an apartment attached to Jerry's mansion in Richmond until recently but now lives in a £2,500-a-night room at Claridges. RELATE is the UK's largest and most experienced relationship counselling organisation. For more details contact Relate on: 0845 4561310 or at www.relate.org.uk
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